Its not all sunshine and rainbows

I knew that being a mom would be hard, really hard.  But I wasn't prepared for it to be this hard. 

I know from reading other blogs that Leigha by many standards would be an incredibly easy baby, and I really hate to even talk about this because of that.  I feel like I am complaining, and I am, but I really shouldn't comparatively.  She likes to play and is OK with smiling, she is really easy to read as far as eating, cuddling, diaper changing, that kind of thing.  However once the sun goes down, a completely different baby comes out of the woodwork.  She gets incredibly fussy, cries all the time, only wants me, wont eat hardly for anyone else, doesn't want her diaper changed by anyone else, she screams like someone is trying to tear her arms off if Richard tried to give her a bath or change her or put her lotion on her, change her clothes.  Basically if I'm not doing it, she doesn't like it. 

This is incredibly hard for me.  Its been 6 months and I have yet to figure out how to balance work and being a Mom.  I work from home and everyone that I know tells me how lucky that I am and that I get to spend all day with her and its the ideal situation.  It is in the respect that I don't have to take her to daycare, but its not because I still can't be around her because when I work, I have to work.  I have gotten in trouble recently because I take more time to be with her because she cries so much when others try to do things for her and ultimately end up coming to me for help, or I come out to help.  Its hard.  No one tells you about this part.  I asked several of my friends who do medical transcription how they did and they all hired help.  I can't.

She still isn't sleeping though the night.  She doesn't take naps except for 30 minutes 2-3 times a day, and only if she is exhausted do the naps get to be in the 1-2 hour range.  I would sleep when she does except for that when its light outside I can't sleep, or I'm so worked up trying to get her down or happy again that by the time I actually get tired, she is waking up.  She wakes up 1-2 times a night every night.  She will go down between 11-12.  wake up at 3, wake up at 6 and then up for the day between 8-9.  And lately she has begun this really fun stage of when I put her to sleep and put her in her crib she immediately wakes right back up again and is wide awake for a while before she will go back to sleep.  She does this for naps, in the middle of the night.  I just don't know what to do.  I am at a loss.  I do the whole keep the room dark, don't talk, don't look or smile, no diaper changes unless she wakes up a 3rd time in one feeding period.  I will admit, I have let her cry more than once.  I just don't know how to get her to stay asleep when I put her in her bed.  I'm at a loss.

I had such big plans for what this was supposed to be like.  I would take care of her during the day and have fun and be a mom and then I would go to work and she would nap until Richard came home then he would play with her and watch her and get her ready for bed and she would be asleep by 9 and then would be sleeping through the night by 3 or 4 months and we would start this all over again the next day.  My reality couldn't be further from my dream and I don't know how to get it back to where it needs to be.   

5 Month letter one month late

It just occured to me as I was sitting her reading my google reader that I never wrote a 5 month letter to Leigha.  Now of course she will be 6 months old tomorrow (WTH!  WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE!!!)  But I still want to write a letter to her, and update what she was up to, so here it goes.

My beautiful brown eyed girl,

You are 5 months old.  And you are the most beautiful little 5 month old that I have ever seen.  In the last month you have really found your feet, you CONSTANTLY have them in your hands.  It makes diaper changes pretty hard, but its OK.  We are working on getting you to "stretch" your legs.  You are getting the hang of it. 

We started feeding you rice cereal after your last doctor's appointment in the hopes that it would get you to sleep through the night.  It didn't work.  You woke up 5 times that night.  So we waited a couple of weeks.  Then when we really started giving you cereal on a regular basis it only took you a couple of days till you figured out that you didn't like it.  And honestly, I can't say that I blame you...it was nasty and tasted like cardboard.  So I mixed in some carrots and you tolerated it for a while, but then you started to not like carrots.  You get bored with eating the same food over and over and I can understand it, because I am the same way.

You are really starting to notice the dogs so much more now and smile whenever one of them comes near you.  You like to "pet" them and while you aren't always easy, it sure makes you happy, even if it makes them run off.

You can laugh and you have the sweetest little laugh, but you don't let us hear it unless you are tired, but that's OK, we will hear it sooner or later all the time, and I can't wait.

We try to get you on a schedule, but it like you know what we are doing and you buck the system EVERY TIME.  We do the same thing every night but earlier, and you stay awake till you normally fall asleep which is about 11.  I would love for you to go to bed early every night  like maybe at 7, but we will get there soon enough.  I think its especially hard because work at night and your daddy has a hard time putting you to sleep.  I can't wait for that day that you put yourself to sleep without eating or crying.  It will be heaven.

I love you more and more each day sweetheart.  This may be the hardest job that I have ever had, but when you smile at me in the morning it is totally worth it. 

Mommy

Blogger, you're weird. and other random things

HELP blogger friends!!!  I cannot for the life of me figure out how to stop blogger from filing my posts under the dates that I start them instead of when I post them. 

Take for instance my 2011 in review post (or whatever that thing was LOL)  I started filing it out on December 31st, but I finished it and posted it today.  However, it shows that I posted it on the 31st.  (Which really kinda makes me look like I'm on top of my game, so maybe I should have used a different example LOL).  I know, its not  that big of a deal, but then I have posts that I start like Leigha's letter, back in the beginning of December because I wanted to document exactly what went on that month and not leave anything out and then I am going to have to cut and paste it because I don't want it to say that she turned 5 months back when she was technically only 4 months.  

OK, so maybe its just me that's weird, but I can't help it.  I am who I am, but you still love me anyways right? ;)

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I got a sewing machine last month and can I just say its INSANELY awesome and has put me into a "gotta make everything myself" spiral that could seriously rival Martha Stewart's craftiness. OK, I'm exaggerating on that one, but it really really bad.  I had all these plans of making all these different kinds of things for Christmas presents and of course because I have a baby who demands lots of attention from me all day, I had to limit my Christmas crafts to only 1 or 2 people who I was having trouble finding things for.  BUT now, I have all year to make things to give to people for Christmas next year, or their birthdays or just for whenever. 

So far with my sewing machine, I have made 2 scarves, a car seat canopy for Leigha, hand warmers, pants for Leigha and mended several ripped blankets and pillowcases.  However, I am trying to find something that I can make for my Mom.  I have no idea what I want to make her.  And then next, I am going to make something for myself.  Something that I can use or wear and be super proud to display on a daily basis.  Maybe a shirt or bag or scarf or something like that.  I don't know, I haven't decided yet. 

I have a stack of T-shirts from Old Navy that I bought like 3 days after Leigha was born and I bought them 2 sizes too big on purpose because at that time my boobs and belly were still GINORMOUS and I of course thought they were going to stay that way, so now I have several shirts that I can't wear because they are too big and the necks are stretched out because I have a baby who likes to hold onto my shirt while nursing...maybe I will steal one (or several) of the T-shirt up-cycles, or would it be re-cycles, and fix those things.  I also have a pair of jeans that I really need to alter because they sent me the wrong size and I can't send them back because they don't sell them anymore, so I need to see if I can make them smaller.  WOW, I don't just start with the small things aparently I just like to dive right into the deep end of the pool! LOL.

OK, now I'm almost off work, and I really need to get Leigha's 5 month old letter done and posted...well maybe just done ;)

Mark it in your calenders!

I just had to announce it everywhere because it has NEVER happened before, but Leigha has been asleep for 12 HOURS!!!  She went down at 10:30 p.m. last night.  She did have a brief crying session at 12 but I was able to put her pacifier in her mouth and pat her back and put her back to sleep.  She then woke up to nurse for 30 minutes at 5:00 am, and she has been asleep ever since. 

I am estatic about this because for the past 2 weeks she has decided that essentially she doesn't need to nap for longer than 30 minutes a day....which as any parent knows only leads to extreme crying in the evenings, or really any time of day.

I am relishing this time.  We are planning on delivering rice krispie treats to our neighbors today and I have been fast and furiously been making batches and batches of the things while she is sleeping.  

Well it was a short post, but I hear her waking up.  Maybe she will get to watch some of the rose parade afterall.  :D